As I continue to cultivate my voice NOW, I’m increasingly aware that I’m Integrating who I was before the TBI in 2011 with who I have become in the wake of the injury. Having been deeply humbled by the fractal path of descent and ultimately the process of transformation, I’ve become more introverted in my post concussive life with deeper roots. It feels awkward to share my Professional biography from before the accident, yet I’m reminded daily that I should not play small.
There is a significant difference between making myself small/boasting of achievements (a dualism that flips on the same axis) and possessing the quiet confidence that comes from embracing all of who I am.
My daughter knew nothing of my entrepreneurial achievements or keynote speaking. She knew of her dad’s work, and respected it greatly. There was something wrong with this picture.
I showed her my Linked In Profile.
I pulled out my Stevie Awards from storage…
I started telling her stories of the business trips that she took with me for her first year of life, because she never could figure out the bottle. We laugh about it now, but it was an extremely challenging time. I was a Growth Strategist in high demand, traveling frequently to Clients and Conferences, on a 90 minute leash to my little person who needed FOOD.
I’m going to write more about the day that changed my life forever - March 6, 2011 - as this is Dysautonomia Awareness Month and my story is one of many different ways that Dysautonomia can take hold.
For now, I’ll just begin my owning who I was before and acknowledging that I am STILL her - the woman that accomplished these very big things is very much alive and well inside of me, having matured, deepened, transformed, and integrated with a very powerful spiritual journey that cultivated my creativity as a Theologian/TheoArtist/Acquired Savant with synesthesia.
I live an intentionally quiet life now; however that does not mean that I have nothing to say or no VOICE. Having spent my career working to bring empathy back to the core of healthcare delivery, I realized recently that my voice is needed. More on that in my next post when I don’t have a migraine.
Tonight. I simply wish to claim my life before the TBI.
YES, I won this very big award…twice…along with being invited to be an esteemed judge. I’m growing tired of being patronized because I live with certain disabilities. In the last two years, the things I’ve seen and the way I’ve been treated would have shocked me before the accident - it should shock everyone in healthcare to see the state of our system for chronic illness and pain, outside of the home health and hospice benefit.
I am #neurodivergent with many rare diseases. The neuroplasticity that comes from an injury like mine has allowed an indescribable integration, creating a thoughtful new voice that can speak volumes with a few words; yet I have renewed strength allowing me to roar when needed.
To be continued….